Wednesday, Howard and I went back to UCSF to have my bladder x-rayed. I’m thrilled to say, it’s working just fine, no leakage through the sutures and so the catheter was taken out. Wow! I feel so light and free. It’s truly amazing how quickly the healing process goes.

And we’re still waiting for the biopsy report…

After two weeks of not straying further than the neighborhood for little walks each day, I’m now venturing into the wide world. Being in the city the other day was a sensory overload. I stayed in the car as Howard visited some of his accounts. It was all a little too much. However, today I am going to school to watch my students give a music concert directed by our most talented Therese Johanesson. I can’t wait to see and hug them all! And last night, I returned to The Emeralds, my beloved friends and poetry critique group, after more than a month’s absence. What joy to go around the table reading and commenting on each other’s poems. I brought a brand new poem that they urged me to post here since it tries to describe the euphoria I feel at being given yet another chance:

The Trick Kind

I have met most of my forty-odd

birthdays masking a vague

trepidation. As I swallow the first

bite of cake, I picture Time–

with its callous and invisible hands–

hauling me, by the nape of my neck,

to the edge of life’s highest and

final cliff

After seventeen days in hospital–

two tumors and an organ removed–

this coming birthday twinkles in the near

distance like the flame of a candle I blow

and blow on, giggling as it keeps

lighting itself over

and over

One again, I wave

my frosting-covered fingers

in the air. Happy, happy!

Happy me!

Bunny Brigade Update

The vegetable juice veggie delivery has been so fun and helpful! Thank you!!! And as Pascha noted, it is truly more healing to imbibe the healing elixir with friends. I got to do this on Monday with my friends Diane and Dan who were visiting from Portland. We enjoyed afternoon “cocktails” with the scrumptious pesto my friend Kim made slathered on crackers. I’ll tell you: healing can be very delicious and celebratory!

Well twist my arm! There have been several requests to extend the juice delivery dates. I’d love to continue receiving the help, so below you’ll find more dates. And yes, it’s absolutely fine to drop-off the day before or after the one I’ve listed below. I’ve just tried to spread the delivery dates apart so that we can keep up with the juicing and drinking and be able to store all the yummies in our fridge.

Monday, April 23

Thursday, April 26

Monday, April 30

Wednesday, May 2

Monday, May 7

Thursday, May 10

Again, if you would like to sign up, please put a comment in the message box below this posting. Thank you!

It really is impossible to express how deep and wide my gratitude runs for all the kindness and generosity being shared with Howard and me. All the meals have been so delicious and nutritious, obviously made with so much care and love. The cards that come every day lift our spirits and brighten our house. And the prayers and energy sent our way continue to work miracles for my healing and speedy recovery. Thank you for circling around us, for lifting us up, for carrying part of the burden so ours feels light enough to manage. See, the world is so much more empathetic and generous than the evening news would lead us to believe! Bless you all! And hope to see you “out there” really soon!

Love,

Kathleen

Health

Hallelujah! Life is so, so sweet! I’m thrilled by every little thing. Born again! Born again–in every sense of the sentiment!

I feel stronger, more energetic, and hungrier every day. Taking walks, having visits, and indulging in yummy naps. Wanna’ get back to my kids as soon as I’m able. Speaking of my students, Muchas gracias por la sopa deliciosisima y la bella ensalada de fruta. Comi platos y platos de los dos y me siento muy alegre y mas fuerte. Que cocineros son! (Thank you to my students for making a most delicious vegetable soup and fruit salad for Howard and me last night. I’ve been eating plates full and feeling so happy and strong. What great chefs!)

I’m still waiting to hear back from pathology for an explanation about the “mystery mass” but am celebrating the fact that I have an appointment to get my catheter taken out next Wednesday. Ahhhhh….

In the meantime, I took my first dose of Protocel this afternoon. Protocel is a super antioxident that was created by a chemist named Jim Sheridan who worked on the formula for nearly 60 years. I found out about how Protocel was created, how it works, how to use it, and unfortunately, how the formula has been suppressed, after reading a book Howard’s friend Autumn loaned us called: Outsmart Your Cancer, Alternative Non-Toxic Treatments that Work by Tanya Harter Pierce. (I cannont recommend this book enough. It is by far the best resource I have come across on the subject of alternative treatments for cancer. Very informative and inspirational. I wish I had known about it a year and a half ago. If you know someone with cancer, please pass this info on.)

A simple explanation of Protocel from the book is:

“When a person takes Protocel regularly every day, the formula biochemically lowers the voltage of every cell in the body just a little bit. This results in a voltage reduction of 10-15%…Because anaerobic cells (sick cells) obtain their energy by fermentation of glucose (that’s why those of us with cancer have to stay away from sugar and white processed foods!) instead of oxidation like normal cells, they operate on a minimum energy level and sustain a lower voltage than normal cells. The slight reduction in voltage caused by Protocel shifts the cancer downward to a point below the minimum that cancer cells need to remain intact. When this happens, the cancer cells (as well as other anaerobic cells of the body) breakd down , or ‘lyse’, into harmless protein. In other words, they cannot hold themselves together and they simply fall apart!” (Outsmart Your Cancer, Tanya Harter Pierce, pp 129-130)

At the end of the four chapters dedicated to Protocel, Tanya Harter Pierce writes, “In my search into alternative cancer treatments available today, I could not find any other approach that appeared to be more successful than Protocel for so many types cancer, including late-stage cancer.” p. 192

Before the “mystery mass” showed up in my abdomen three weeks ago, I was hoping that January’s procedure to cut out the growth in my bladder lining had gotten rid of the last bit of cancer. After doing a fair amount of research and soul searching, and praying that I was working with a clean slate, I decided to go with Protocel to clean up any cancer cells left behind. (Unfortunately, with metasticized cancer, you have to contend with the fact that there usually are cells left behind after surgery. In fact, “current diagnostic techniques can only detect cancer when there are 10 million cancer cells or more in one place.” p.189)

As you know, before I could try this alternative treatment, a CT scan found the 5 inch by 5 inch mass behind my uterus, and that the tumor in my bladder had regrown in just 6 weeks. I had no choice: surgery first!

Thank goodness for the expertise and technology that surgically removed those two masses just one week ago. Now, it’s time for Protocel to kill any remaining cancer cells and cure me of this disease once and for all. No more playing hookey from the vocation I’m just itching to get back to! Come on! We’re in my favorite thematic unit of Kinder right now: El bosque secoya! The redwood forest!

For more info on Protocel check out these websights: www.webnd.com, www.elonnamckibben.com (Elonna McKibben was diagnosed with a veru rare form of cancer of the nervous system. When she was diagnosed, she had just given birth to quintuplets. Read more about Protocel and her miraculous story on the website she started so that users of Protocel could share info with one another) and www.protocelforum.com

What’s the Bunny Brigade?

Another alternative treatment that I would like to add to my daily regimen and which has had excellent results is Dr. Max Gersen’s therapy which focuses on drinking fresh vegetable juice every day. I am hoping that all the vitamins and minerals from drinking carrot, beet, celery, parsley juice every day will help fortify and cleanse my body and complement the Protocel’s efficacy.

Big Help to Get Us Started: Would anyone be interested in preparing and delivering veggies in advance so that Howard or I could just run them through our Acme juicer as needed? If you could help us get started, I think within the month we’ll be able to manage the scrubbing and cutting on our own.

What you would need to buy, clean, cut (no thicker than the juicer’s 1 X 1 1/2 inch opening, please) and deliver:

2-3 bunches of carrots, 1-2 bunches of beets, 1 bunch of celery, 1 bunch of parsley–all organic, please.

Possible Dates for Bunny Brigade Delivery:

Friday or Saturday, March 23 or 24

Monday, March 26

Thursday, March 29

Monday, April 2

Thursday, April 5

Monday, April 9

Thursday, April 12

Monday, April 16

Thursday, April 19

In all honesty, I feel very shy to ask for yet another thing but am going to trust that no one will sign-up to help if it feels like too much. I know how full everyone’s lives are! I already feel like the luckiest cancer-survivor alive and don’t want to be a “piggy” asking for more…I do promise to share the goodies! When you come to visit, be sure to ask for your custom-made beverage. We’ll be most obliged to juice one up for you!

If you’d like to sign-up for one of the above “Bunny Dates” please scroll down below this message only (so we can keep it all in one place) and write the date that works best for you, your name, and telephone number in the “Add a Comment” section.

Thank you so very much!

All my love and gratitude,

Katalina

Health

Kathleen here: Howard drove me down the coast last night with Van Morrisson singing, “Oh, the water, oh, the water, oh, the water, let it run all over me…”

We arrived to beautiful chalk art and welcome signs on the sidewalk and driveway, a purple fairy doll floating amongst shells on our doorstep, get well cards to read, and fresh eggs from Ryan and his family in our fridge (which made for the tastiest breakfast this morning–gracias!). Our kitties seemed as surprised as us that we were finally home. Emma warmed up right away, Sophie is still deciding if she remembers me.

I slept 11 hours last night and didn’t miss the parade of nurses or docs to my bedside one bit. After a late breakfast, we stepped outside to take a short walk and ended up making it all the way to my friend Kim’s house for a surprise visit. The blue, blue sky, the white, white clouds, all the trees in bloom, everything so green and sweet smelling. I didn’t want to go back indoors except that after getting into the Lazy “Girl” I found no real reason or oomph to get out until dinner.

Thank you to Mariposa for bringing a delicious meal tonight. It feels wonderous to be eating again–brought to tears again. Home, Howard, family, friends, food, life! Yahoo!

Adelante, pues! On the healing path!

Lots of love,

Kathleen

Health

Kathleen here: been a bit slow today, this is my first time up and walking. Howard gave me a sponge bath this morning and then I had to nap before he could wash my hair and then a longer nap–but, shoot! vale la pena, I feel clean and fine!

Yesterday, they took out all my drains and IVs. I got my first taste of the pain when it’s not so skillfully masked by the epideral. I wanted to yell out, “Bomberos! Bomberos!” (Firefighters! Firefighters!) just like my students do during free play time. “Put out the fire!” But, I’m sooooo much better today and with just half the meds. Another wonder.

I’m really on the fence about going home today. No docs have checked in since early morning. They said they wouldn’t push me out of the nest until I’m ready. It would be great to be home with the kitties, resting in my own bed. (Poor Howard, he’s been here since Tuesday!) But, it’s also scary. I feel like a mama lion protecting her newborn cub (my refurbished abdomen)–Aaaarrrrrggggghhhh! : >

Well, I don’t have to figure it out right now. What I do need to do is make two more laps around the hall and then return to bed. Ahhh…

Dear family, friends, beloved students: you give me such energy, such delicious whole-body-smiles, and more love than I think I can hold–so I don’t, I just keep sending it out in baskets and bushels to the rest of the world. Recycling! Gracias! Gracias! Gracias! If everyone who was suffering in the world could have 10% of the grace sent my way, they’d be smiling ear to ear, too.

Big hugs and kisses,

Katalina

Health

Kathleen here: My sister, Michelle, has been visiting this morning and just took a couple of laps with me around the hospital floor before dropping me off at the computer. I took 3 walks yesterday and this is my first today. I remember last year being apalled when the nurses came in the morning after surgery demanding I get up and walk. I thought they were crazy or cruel–or both. This year, I remembered that the thought of it is more daunting than the action. It actually feels really good to stretch out and shuffle around. Laughing is the painful thing and of course, my family and Howard have no self-control in cracking jokes all the time. I just squeeze the pillow to my tummy and make little grunting noises. Quite fetching, I’m sure.

What can I say? I’m floating in a cloud of amazement, gratitude, and emotion (and a fair amount of pain medication). What a miracle to have the outcome of the surgery be so positive and the damage so minimal. I attribute my great fortune to all your love, prayers, and virtual hugs and kisses. Well, and some bit of it to my passionate desire to get back to my students this year and for all the years to come. I also will always be so grateful to my medical team, especially my surgeon, Dr. Maxwell Meng! He’s the best! And to Dr. Joe Franks in Santa Cruz for both giving and helping me get the best care possible.

I’m going to try to keep this short–I can hear my bed calling from down the hall. Thank you so much to all of you. I can’t wait to get home so we can visit, play, and poeticize (new word?) again soon. Doc thinks I could leave tomorrow but I’m lobbying for another night. I still feel pretty fragile and needy and they spoil me so here!

All my love,

Kathleen

PS–Un gran abrazo con corazon llenisimo para mi familia de Alianza. Nunca he visto flores tan bellas! Paso mi tiempo mirandolas y pensando en nuestra amistad y su gran carino. (No se como hacer accentos y tildas en esta computadora, lo siento.) Muchas gracias!

Health

Walking up to Kathleens room this morning I could not help but notice her glow pouring out of her room into the hallway. Before walking into that room, I knew that amazing smile would be around the corner.

She wanted me to thank everyone for all the amazing love and support. She could feel everyone surrounding her as the bed was rolled into surgery.

Kathleen feels good today (as one can), and may even be able to take a short walk out of the room. She may even get down to the computer for a quick read from all her friends, loved ones/supporters as early as tommorow. It means a great deal to her, and gives her so much energy to hear from each of you here.

Thank you for all your love and postings!

Just to recap the events of the surgery yesterday: It was a five hour surgery, and the surgeon removed 10% of the bladder. The surgeon felt the bladder was worth saving. The 15 centimeter cancerous mass (6 inches basically in diameter) on her ovary, ovary itself, and attached fallopian tube was removed. The other ovary and uterus is intact, and a gynelogical team was brought in to look at it. It was their suggestion to leave that, as they felt it was not affected.

We are still waiting on test and biopsies done on the ovarian mass, etc. Please continue your good thoughts!!!

Brian

Health

We have all been so touched by the outpouring of prayers and love for Kathleen that there are no adequate words to express our appreciation. I believe God heard the names Kathleen/Katalina so much, it was “okay, okay, I got you” and the fact that her surgery was so much less invasive than was expected, truly is a miracle. She is going to try some alternative healing procedures to make sure the cancer never reoccurs, so keep the prayers and good thoughts coming. She is so very special. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. Love you all, Diane (Kathleen’s Mom) and all her family

Health

Good news! Kathleen just left surgery, and everything went better than we expected. The spot in her bladder was contained enough that only 10% more (about the same amount as removed last year) of the bladder was removed. The mass connected to her right ovary did not affect any other organs. The mass was removed along with her right ovary, but her left ovary and uterus remain intact and in place. She’s in recovery now, and we can’t wait to see her (a couple of hours)! Continue sending her your healing thoughts and prayers – they’ve been working wonders so far. This is as good an outcome as we could have hoped for going into surgery. – Howard, Diane, Brian

Health

Kathleen and Howard here: had a great night of sleep with many positive dreams of visiting retreat sights with hot springs and starry skies. Woke up feeling so relaxed and peaceful. Spent an hour meditating on my body, thanking each organ for its miraculous workings and blessing those that might be leaving me today. I could feel my whole being filled and vibrating with light.

The last couple of weeks in the hopsital, I have been having a hard time, imagining myself coming out of surgery just ravaged and weak. Now, I feel so certain that everything will go smoothly and easily. I feel happy picturing being home again with Howard and the kitties, resting and getting strong again. This morning, we laid in bed talking about our wedding this summer and other fun things to look forward to in the future. Howard reminded me that when I first met him I had a vision of a huge book opened to the middle and page after page of our life together fluttering by. Lots more pages than the measly (but rich) two years we’ve been together so far!

Thank you to my soul-sister Jenny for organizing the round the clock thoughts and prayers for me today. I am held in such a loving embrace. I wish I could express it well enough that you could all feel this peace–even excitement. Yes, again some finished part of us dies to make room for some new, mysterious bloom to open.

I am flowering. I am happy. I am so grateful to all of you, my loving family.

We’ll celebrate soon!

Kathleen

Health

Kathleen here. My brother, Brian, flew up from San Diego and spent last night with me in the hospital room, making me laugh and keeping my spirits up. Now he’s showing me how to update the blog. Too fun!

The docs came in this morning and gave me the good news that the PET scan came back clean: no other surprise cancer spots. What a relief!

Surgery is scheduled for 11:30-12:00 tomorrow, Wednesday, mid-day. Looks like I’ll be having my bladder removed and probably a hysterectomy–just in case any of the cancer cells got into those organs, too. Clean the area out, say “adios” to the cancer, and get back to my students and the life I so love. Doctors say I’ll probably be in the hospital at least a week after the operation but then I’ll get to go home.

Thank you again for all the inspiring notes, prayers, and candles lit. I feel positive and strong. This experience has been so filled with lessons. The present one I am meditating on is how to hold both surrender and hope–in equal measure–at the same time. I remember reading once, in some Buddhist text, “Act impeccably and then let go of the outcome.” An intriguing koan and invitation, for sure.

I love you all and miss you but feel your presence here so strongly.

I am truly grateful for your friendship and encouragement.

Hugs and besos,

Katalina/Kathleen

Health