Guten Tag, Freundin! (Good day, friends!)

Yeah, I’m becoming really fluent in German—ha! The one phrase I’ve mastered is: Entushuldigungse which means “Excuse me” or “I’m sorry”. The phrase that would come in more handy, but I can’t seem to remember for the life of me, is: Ich vertsche nicht which means “I don’t understand.” I guess being half German explains why everyone starts talking a mile a minute to me in German. For some silly reason, I think if I listen hard enough I’ll understand but when they come to the end of their long discourse, all I can do is smile sheepishly and say, “Ich spreche kein Deutsch” (I don’t speak German.) Oh, well, I’m listening to my language tapes and the doctor’s wife and receptionist were surprised to hear me say, “Auf Wiedersehen” when I left my appointment yesterday. They both laughed and one even said, “Super!” which of course took away some of the sting of that being all I could remember to say after listening to two lessons of German and practicing lots more phrases than “good-bye”.

So, yesterday: Phew! What a day! I set my alarm early and rode my bicycle to the swimming pool to pump up those ever-naughty weins and came home for a quick breakfast (and no liquids, this time!) and then hopped on my bike confident that I could find the clinic within half hour. Well, now I know that once I enter the humongous English Garden park all I do is stay on the main road that is reserved for the buses. It’s basically a straight shot from my apartment to the clinic. I get to ride through acres and acres of the greenest grass and trees and across the bridge that leads to the neighborhood where the clinic is.

But, yesterday morning was another story. I second-guessed myself, got all turned around, took a path and got lost. I accosted a man waiting at a bus stop and even after he told me he didn’t speak English I still thrust my map in his face and pointed where I needed to go. He shook his head and made hand gestures that I should go over to the beer garden and ask someone. Well, even in Munich, I know that the Beer Garden is not open at 9:30 am. 9:30! That was the time of my appointment. I was late for my first treatment. I knew that wasn’t going to go over well. I got on my bike and continued riding in the wrong direction. Finally, I stopped and called the clinic and gratefully, the receptionist laughed when I said I was lost in the English Garden. I suspect I’m not the first. Finally, while looking at the map yet again, a nice man stopped and gave me directions in English. I told him that he saved my life and he laughed, but in some regards, it’s only a bit of an exaggeration…

I made it to the clinic and instead of having to stand in the corner for my tardiness, I was received warmly. The nurse prepared me and the doctor came in. He was in good spirits until the first try resulted in the same frustrating end: the vein starting giving blood and then shut down. He seems thoroughly perplexed and frustrated and said that this is the strangest case and that he’s never seen anything like it. (Oh, great.) But, the second try did work and he left the room shaking his head and muttering, “Well, for now the blood flows…” and I lay there thanking all my guardian angels and half-holding my breath that my vein would continue to cooperate. It did. In fact, somewhere towards the end of my 10 rounds (fifteen minutes each) of having the blood first pumped out of my vein and into a machine that filters out what the lab needs in order to make my vaccine and to multiply (I think) my Natural Killer Cells (those cells in our body that attack the bad guys) and then returns the remainder of my blood, I dozed off. The nurse woke me up to say that my vein had closed down again and to pump my fists. Luckily, that did the trick!

After the blood filtering, the doctor’s wife used the same IV to let my first round of dendritic cells slowly drip into my body. The dendritic cells are supposed to “educate” my Killer Cells (sounds like such a “surfer” thing to say, “Hey, dude, those are some killer cells you got there!) for better tumor antigen recognition (my dictionary on the computer defines antigens as: a toxin or other foreign substance that induces an immune response in the body, esp. the production of antibodies). Jeez, this is getting technical. I understand what my treatment consists of and the concept behind it when Dr. Kübler explains it to me (more or less) and draws nice little diagrams to show how it works, but I wish I could explain the whole process better to you. Before I left, Frau Kübler assured me that I wouldn’t feel any side effects from this treatment, that those would come in a couple weeks when I got my first vaccine shot, and that she’d warn me before they happened.

But, as I was leaving, I noticed a sharp pain where my remaining ovary (and cyst) are and discounted it as possibly being pre-menstrual cramps. I rode my bike home (without getting lost) and ate a big lunch. Since the pain was starting to get stronger, I decided to try and lie down and see if a nap would take care of things. Instead, the pain just intensified and seemed to spread through my abdomen. With embarrassment, I emailed Dr. Kübler to just check in about the worsening pain and remind him that I am due for an utlrasound to check on the cyst on my ovary. When I lied down again, my legs started to ache, the pain in my abdomen was spreading, and I felt more and more nauseous by the minute. I started to get the chills. It all was a little too reminiscent of the symptoms I had in February when the tumor in my abdomen “blew-up”. After another hour, I tried calling the clinic but there was no answer or answering machine. This time, I left a more frantic email message for Dr. Kübler, while trying to suppress images of having to figure out how the German emergency medical system works in case I actually was having a repeat of what happened with my last ovarian cyst…You can imagine.

Luckily for me, but probably not for her, a poetry friend from Santa Cruz, Angelica, who is German and home visiting family and friends, showed up to share the vegetable soup I had made the night before. We had planned the get-together while I was feeling fine just a few hours earlier. She sat with me and listened to all my mounting anxiety about being afraid I was going to have to fly home, have another surgery, and not get to have this treatment after all. She stayed really calm and tried to console me and help me figure out next steps. She also suggested that even though Frau Kübler said I wouldn’t have side effects from the treatment it seemed like a likely explanation. I told her that early in my diagnosis I swore I would not be the kind of cancer patient that worried that every little ache and pain was the cancer returning; but I am humbled again. I see that it’s very hard not to jump ahead and start imagining worse case scenarios–especially when the pain is so acute.

After another hour, mom called and so I went and checked email again. Fortunately, there were two messages from the doc. He said not to panic (WHO’S PANICKING?) that my reaction was normal and in fact, a good sign because it meant that the dendritic cells were actually working and that the tumor cells were lysating—being destroyed and metabolized back into the blood stream. He said that the acute symptoms only last for several hours and not to worry that I was having a relapse. And, that we’d check my abdomen “in due time”.

Ahhh….I instantly started to feel better. Angelica had suggested I take an Advil about half an hour earlier, so with the comforting news from the doctor and the pain medication starting to kick-in, I stopped feeling like a wild animal pacing in a tiny cell (a cell of my own worst imaginings!) and she and I ended up having a lovely evening, getting to know each other better. In fact, she has invited me to join her and a friend to go to a museum this afternoon and tomorrow she’s taking me to the village she grew up in for their annual wine festival this weekend—complete with Polka bands! (It seems that there are no WiFi cafes in her little village, so I won’t be taking my laptop and will be out of computer contact until next week.)

I woke up briefly a couple of times during the night and when I realized that I wasn’t in pain, I felt such an euphoria. And I feel absolutely fine today! Crazy.

Once again and always, I feel so taken care of. Even in the hardest moments, an angel appears to encourage and comfort me and then invites me on some true Bavarian adventures! I won’t lie and say “Cancer is fun;” but, I do constantly marvel at all the incredible people I’ve met and extraordinary experiences I’ve had since my life took such a radical turn.
Well, it’s time to get ready and see if I can find my way downtown (to the most crowded and touristy part of Munich) to meet Angelica and her friend, Frank. Wish me luck and really: thank you for making me so lucky!

I love you all!
Kathleen

Howard Health